What do you mean the transition never ends?

The transition never ends!  You would think after working full time for 6 months now I would have made it through the transition.  This would be our normal life and people would now view me as a working mother.  Next.

But that is not how it is.  Every week at church people still come up to me and ask me how it is going with work, not in that casual, "how's work" way you might start a conversation but in that deep and serious, "how is it going with work?"  And while part of me wants people to stop asking and let me just move on with my life the other part of me is glad they still ask because frankly we are not in a groove and I am still transitioning.  And if everyone acted like I should be getting over it and moving on with my life it would make it that much harder to continue this transition.  So, thanks for asking.

This past week was Thanksgiving.  The week before I was cruising along feeling pretty good about how everything was coming together and thinking we had made it through to the land of "normal".  I am keeping my life very simple this year so no entertaining just showing up and enjoying the holiday with family.  Yet the day before and morning of Thanksgiving I was having a  Break Down.  I was crabby and wanting to yell at and attack everyone in the family for no real reason.  Wednesday night was my son Jake and Thursday morning my husband John.  Poor guys, they never saw it coming.

I am realizing that every new thing, new event that comes across my path requires a new way of experiencing life.  While I have pretty much got the day to day of work and family down, if anything changes it is a problem.  Isabelle having 2 days off last month caused a break down.  Now a big family holiday causes a break down.  I pretty much have decided the entire month of December is going to be a huge adjustment.  BATTEN DOWN THE HATCHES FAMILY, WE ARE GOING IN!  Shopping, parties, gift wrapping, baking, oh my!

I suppose change always comes with a need to adjust and shift gears.  Life is full of transitions, the question is how are you going to handle them?  How am I going to handle this transition from a life where I was home taking care of every detail to a life where I have to let go of details, delegate details or squeeze them in during the evenings and weekends?

The truth is that even when I was at home we were regularly transitioning.  The transition to parenting and being home full time, to having a child who crawls and then walks, to homeschooling, private schooling, charter schooling, public schooling, job changes, moving, etc.  It was never a dull moment.  And once this year is over I can already anticipate new transitions.  Jake leaves for college next year.  That will require a whole new way of relating to our life.  Another year of transition. The following year John will finish community college, and a surgical tech degree, and move to the next level of his eduction while beginning the first part of a new career, another year of transition.  And who knows what other unexpected changes will occur during that time.

I am wondering as I continue this transition if I should change my focus from how to deal with each specific situation to how to handle the constant changes that are just part of life. 

I really believe I learned a lot of valuable life skills while I was at home.  Not just things like how to set a beautiful table or keep gum from sticking to the bottom of a trash can but also how to deal with constant change.  When I was at home and came across transitions in life I had much more time to deal with them, to process what was happening and create a plan for incorporating the new information into my life.  And there were plenty of changes to be had on a daily basis.  I don't know about your children but when mine were little they were like Jekyll and Hyde.  I never knew from day to day or moment to moment what I was going to be dealing with and had to be prepared for anything!  Top that off with job changes, family crisis, holidays, financial stress and a million other big and little things and I look back realizing I barely had a stable moment the entire 17 years I was at home!

So, what are the skills and lessons I learned from my years as a homemaker that I can use as I transition into learning to transition while working full time?  Here are a few things I have come up with:

Be Prepared

While some changes happen without warning most things can be anticipated.  I have heard more than one time-management guru remind me that THIS YEAR Christmas will be on December 25th.  Surprise!  Or not.  My family needs to eat dinner every night?  When did this happen?  How did these clothes get dirty?  I just washed them last week! 

Right now I know that Christmas is a month away, my daughter will turn 7 in March, my son will graduate from high school in June and sometime between now and then my father-in-law will die of cancer.  I can let each of these events cause turmoil and trauma in our lives, those experiences can be filled with stress, discontentment and disappointment OR I can anticipate them, decide what we are and are not going to do, let go of what I can't control and be proactive about what I can.  Just like I did when I was at home full time.

Let it Go

It might just be me but I can be a little bit of a control freak.  I mean I try to keep it under wraps when I am out in public but in the privacy of my own home I sometimes even scare myself.  And truth be told that was a big part of my break down on Thanksgiving day.  I wanted a black Friday deal from Best Buy and they were selling them online on Thanksgiving day.  So I reasoned I would stay up til midnight on Wednesday night rather than standing in line on Thursday night, order the TV I wanted for my son and be done with it.  But when midnight rolled around the deal didn't pop up, and I was exhausted and the rest of the family was already asleep and by 10 minutes after midnight I gave up and went to bed.  Of course, as you can imagine, by 8am the next morning the deal was up and they were sold out.  I was furious with myself and took it out on my husband.  Poor guy.  I could not let it go, could not forgive myself for being so tired after working all day, could not move on.  How did this help?  It didn't.

So I am working on this one.

I didn't say I was going to have answers here, just making some observations.

Turn to God

Some days this is so easy.  I cruise along aware of God's presence throughout my day, rest in his peace no matter what comes my way, pray for those I come in contact that annoy me and constantly believe God has placed me in this stage of life.  I am in continual worship as I live my life for Him.

Did I say days plural?  Did I say day?  As in 24 hours in a row?  Let's re-start that last paragraph with "Some moments".  Yes that is better.

I love how Paul writes in Romans, "We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin.  I do not understand what I do.  For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do."  It is just so nice to know I am not alone in this problem.  If Paul can admit he does things he knows he shouldn't do then I guess I can admit it too.

But that doesn't mean giving myself over to my sinful nature.  So I try to spend time in prayer and the word every morning even if it is only for a few moments, I try to be aware of God's presence as I sit at my desk during the day and come home to my family in the evenings.  And I try to spend more time praying for others than myself.  The days I am most successful in doing these three things are the days when no matter what comes my way I just sail right through.  So when I do have a hard day I know exactly where to turn to get out of my funk, end my break down and get back on the path God has set before me full of joy and peace.

How do you get through transitions now that you are working?  Leave me a comment.

How Did This Happen?

A year ago I was a happy homemaker loving every minute of my life and never giving a thought to returning to full time work.  My daughter had just started kindergarten and it was becoming clear the economy was not going to turn around soon and thus my husband's business was not going to turn around soon.  So I told God if he wanted me to go back to work I would but he would need to drop the job in my lap.  So, of course, He did.  I worked a perfect 2 day a week job making just enough money to be helpful but not enough to really solve our problems.  By spring it was clear we needed to make some changes in my husband's career going forward.  After much discussion we decided on the most insane of our options, my remodeler husband would go back to school full time to become a Physician's Assistant.  Since about 6 of his technical college credits transferred, he started as a college freshman this fall 2011 and will not finish until at least 2017.  In the mean time one of us should probably work.  While he is continuing his work on a part time basis, I found myself agreeing to find a full time job.  Again, God dropped it in my lap.  From the day we announced the plan to my family and my brother mentioned an opening at his company till I was sitting at a desk full time was about 3 weeks.

I spent the first couple months sitting at my new desk wondering how I got there.  What just happened to me?  I had been at home for 17 years.  When people would compliment me on doing a good job I would just look at them and think, "What are you talking about? I AM A STAY AT HOME MOM!"

Besides having a major identity crisis, I was also overwhelmed by all the new information coming at me, the mess of my home, the idea of maintaining any aspect of my life while working and my daughter who cried almost every day for me to stay home with her.  When mom goes back to work she does not go alone.

Now, after 6 months of working, life is slowly beginning to normalize around here.  I haven't cried in a few weeks, my daughter lets me leave in the mornings with a simple hug and kiss and I am accepting the fact I won't be able to keep my house as clean as I once did for at least another 6 years.  Which is all to say that I am finally at a point where I am surviving enough to begin the transition from homemaker to working mom.

When I was at home I read many books on the topic of homemaking.  Lots of books on the transition from work to home, but where is the book on the transition back to work?  On the one hand I know how to be a homemaker, how to do the laundry, cook great meals for my family, organize the toys and plan a family game night.  What I do not know is how to do it while working full time.  I may be working now but my family is still my number one priority.  I am not trying to figure out how to "do it all".  I want to do well at my job but I am not in pursuit of a career. I am back working because I have to not because I want to.  My job is a means to an end not something I want defining me.

So this blog is going to explore the answer to the questions that arise as I try to figure out who I am as a working mom and how to put it all together.