Justifying My Existence

A business has to be involving, it has to be fun, and it has to exercise your creative instincts. – Richard Branson

I have to say that as the 3rd week of working part time from home while also trying to earn some self employment income as begun, I haven't felt this good in a year!

Yet...I feel a little twitchy all day long.  I am constantly asking myself if I have justified my existence for the day.  Am I doing enough?  Have I worked enough?  DId I make enough money today?  Can I really allow myself to be enjoying this new work arrangement so much?  Will I really be making enough extra by fall to continue living in this much joy?

I am loving what I am doing work wise.  And it is fun to be working for a couple who are entrepreneurs, to watch them work and be inspired to go off and make it happen for myself as well.

But..

Fear.
Doubt.
Insecurity.
Uncertainty.
Fear.

Last night I was feeling particularly frustrated at my lack of progress and questioning if I was doing the right thing since it wasn't coming together as quickly as I had hoped.  But I had to remind myself that it takes time to get something started and build momentum.  It takes time to find your groove.  It takes time to find your right market.  And it takes a tough skin because you will make lots of mistakes and hear lots of "no" before the "yes'" add up to something you can live on.  I had to remind myself that this isn't going to be easy but it is going to be worth it.

So I pushed away those fears, doubts, insecurity and uncertainty and replaced them with...

Hope.
Belief.
Perseverance.
Confidence.
Certainty.

I started out this blog saying, "how hard can it be...?"  I am learning that it can be hard.  It is not for the faint of heart.  But if it means continuing to enjoy my job and career as much as I am enjoying it at the moment then it is definately worth the effort.

Plus, yesterday I got my first check for a writing job.  Yes, of course, I made a copy to frame.  It is the first of many checks both big and small that will come my way as I build a career and business doing something I love.

Success in business requires training and discipline and hard work. But if you’re not frightened by these things, the opportunities are just as great today as they ever were. – David Rockefeller

Fresh Start

Yesterday was the last day of employment at the job I spent exactly 1 year working at full time.  After 17 years without a full time job, one year was plenty.   Part of me can't believe it was an entire year.  Part of me can't believe it was only a year.  The bottom line is that while there were positive aspects of me working full time, overall it did not work for our family.

So here I am.  Unemployed.

But only for today.

Monday I start a new job working 20-30 hours per week from home.  It was a dream situation that sort of fell in my lap at the perfect moment I needed it.  I had planned to continue working as an employee somewhere but assumed I would be out of the house.  I didn't imagine I would have an opportunity to work from home.  Balance home and work, move between them without having to get in my car and drive through traffic home.  I didn't imagine a scenario where I could get up at 6am and put in a couple hours in my pj's before getting Isabelle ready for school.  Setting my own schedule. Awesome.

I realize that right now I am sort of focused on the dream portion of working from home.  I try to remind myself daily that I will still be working.  I am being careful to continue guarding my schedule.  I haven't signed up for any new volunteer positions at church.  I haven't been planning a return to my favorite classes at the YMCA with my old friends.  I am still expecting the family to help out around the house and while I am not looking for as much child care as I would have expected to, I am still planning to have Isabelle out of the house a few days a week.

But still, I really think it will be great!

So first problem of starting my own business, not enough time, solved.  I am no longer out of the house and away from my personal life nearly 10 hours a day.  I have begun to re-integrate my work and home life into a balance I am more comfortable with.  And I have freed up hours each week to focus on my own business rather than someone else's.

Second problem...now what?  Well my son graduates from high school in less than 2 weeks and for now that is all my focus.  But during my extra work hours this month I am going to do a hand full of things.

• I am going to start making some Stella & Dot emails and phone calls.  I sort of had to toss that on the back burner for all of May but I need to re-energize this month.

• I am going to read.  I have a bunch of books on professional blogging, learning word press and working from home.  I also have a whole bunch of emails about running a web based business that I have been storing for future reading.  This is the month to research, learn and make plans.

• I am hoping to be writing for pay.  I have a line on a possible freelance writing job writing some training manuals.  It isn't glamorous but as far as I am concerned it is the New York Times.  I am just excited to be able to get paid to write.

• I am going to have coffee with people.  I have a handful of people I would love to talk with and hear their stories on starting a small business.  Can you tell I am an information accumulator?  And I have friends who I have missed over the past year.  Friends who have stuck with me even when I haven't been available for them.  I have taken more than I have given this past year and I look forward to giving back to them a little.

• I am going to file paperwork to have an official business to work from.  I have actually been toying with calling it "Melanie, Inc" but I don't think that will end up being the final name.  I do want it to be something simple and generic but personal that I can use for a variety of income ventures.

Well that is probably more than I can actually accomplish in a month while simultaneously learning a new job but when you think about 10 hours a day it really shouldn't be a problem at all.

Last month, despite only having 1 small trunk show I managed to make $54 for barely 2 hours of work.  It isn't much but with only 4 real truck shows I have already made enough to replace my initial investment.  From here forward it is all profit with Stella & Dot.

Looking forward to an exciting summer.