I just realized something. This is not going to be easy. My life is getting busy and my motivation to develop these income sources is being re-directed.
I need to carve time out of my life where I can work on personal things, like creating a life size representation of my son for the post graduation senior party, without feeling like I should be working on a writing assignment or booking a Stella & Dot trunk show. And I need to feel free to make business calls and learn about monetizing web sites without feeling like I have abandoned my family. By knowing I have set aside time for both I can be free to immerse myself in each task without thinking about the other.
So this week I didn't do much. I have been learning new things at my outside employment which used up a lot of my energy. I had hoped to be able to report on my writing assignment but so far there isn't too much to report.
The writing assignment is basically going to involve me writing some marketing materials for a new company. Part of me wants to flee at the idea but every time I sit down to do a little research on what they are asking for I find myself thinking, "well, I can do that." This is definitely going to be an education. I expect my hourly rate when I am done with this assignment to be just pennies but I am excited to learn enough to take on future assignment where I might be able to make nickles or quarters an hour and just keep learning and writing as I add to the monthly total.
So this week I am working on my new schedule.
Mondays are for meetings. I am meeting with a couple women on various Mondays, sales meetings for Stella & Dot and then the 4th Monday will be free for whomever comes along that I might want to grab a cup of coffee with.
Tuesday nights are open either for a Stella & Dot trunk show or to work at home. I am going to engage in family time until at least 7pm on nights I am home before I allow myself to get distracted with writing or research or whatever.
Wednesday nights are for my daughter, she desperately needs a night she knows she can count on me to treat her like the center of the universe. Luckily she is pretty easy. Swim in the pool at the Y and then home for a smoothie. Although tomorrow night we are going to spend her birthday gift card at Barnes & Noble. My kind of girl.
Thursday nights have been date night at our house for years. When careers and kids are all gone, your spouse remains. At least that is the plan, so we always find a few hours on Thursday nights to drink coffee and unload our thoughts for the week. Sometimes it is the only opportunity we have to say more than a few passing words the whole week.
Friday night is typically what we call "free pizza Friday". It is supposed to be free because my parents buy it but apparently we are turning into the grown ups and so we buy some weeks too. Especially when they are in Florida all winter! As Jake gets older we encourage him to invite friends over to join us. We want to maintain this night as a family night and find more intentionality in our activities that night.
Which leaves the weekend to do, well, EVERYTHING! Which is sort of OK because it is hard for me to be particularly productive after work. I just want to be home with my family. But that means I need a work schedule for my Saturdays and Sundays. When am I going to work and how long am I going to work?
I will be working on and tweaking this schedule for a while but I think I can find a routine that works for all of us. And just when I find it I will be ready to cut back my outside work hours and will have to rethink the schedule all over again. It is never ending. But as long as I keep my priorities in mind I am sure to be able to figure it out.
So no addition to the monthly total this week. I suspect no additional totals the rest of this month but, next month is shaping up to be busy with trunk shows, and I should be into working on the writing assignment by then as well. Each month builds on the one before. Can't wait to see what happens next.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Party Weekend
This week I launched my Stella & Dot business. Not wanting to belabor a point I signed up and after watching a couple online training videos I started making phone calls. I booked 3 shows to hold in just over a week; a launch show at my home Friday night and 2 on Saturday. My starter kit and the sample jewelry I ordered arrived Wednesday 3 days before my first show. I finally had a catalog to give people. It was all packaged so beautifully and the web site is so great that even before I got the books it was easy to tell people what I was doing. Since I had never been to a Stella & Dot trunk show before and had no idea what I was doing my sponsor flew in from Georgia for those first 3 shows to train me. And she brought all her fabulous jewelry so I got to see more than the few pieces I ordered with my starter kit.
I do have very enthusiastic and supportive friends but I still had to ask several of them before I found a couple to host. You will hear "no" 10 times for every "yes". I have heard that quoted many times and no mater how excited your friends are it is still true.
Also, life happens, so my Saturday morning hostess ended up having a medical problem that week and finally called Friday morning to let me know she was not going to be able to host my show. We will reschedule but that just left me with 2 training shows. I am a fast learner so I knew it would be fine.
For my show I invited over 80 people, more than 50 RSVP'd "no". I will share that even though I fully expected that kind of response to a Friday night invite sent barely a week ahead it was still a little scary to get that many no emails responses to my evite. I did get 6 "yes" and 7 "maybe" responses. In the end 10 wonderful friends were able to make it and we had a great time. I mainly just acted like the hostess chatting with friends, telling them they looked great and trying to pass out a few drinks. In the rush of the evening I didn't end up putting out any food, just a couple bowls of m&m's.
I didn't sell the company average of $1000 but was just short of $600 which I felt pretty good about. Since I was the hostess I will be able to order a little over $100 in free jewelry to add to my samples and I earned $146 in commission. If I sell a total of $2300 for the month my commission goes up and I will get $175 for that night. 2 of my friends are excited to get some free jewelry by hosting a trunk show for me.
My second show was hosted by my cousin. She was a wonderful and enthusiastic hostess but also had more "no" responses than yes and ended up with a more cozy 3 guests. We still had a great time and they had fun trying stuff on, it was easier to give individual attention to the guests and help them choose something they love. Jessy has a couple outside orders coming as well so I don't know yet what the total of the show will be but even with only 3 guests I sold nearly $500 giving me another approx $125 with a $150 potential when I make the higher commission sales goal. And one of her friends is also going to host a show for me.
So at a minimum I made about $271 this weekend. Each show was 2 hours long with a little time before and after for set up so call it 6 hours of work or $45/hour. If I did this every week I would easily reach my Stella & Dot goal of $1000/month. If I sponsor a couple stylists to join me in this adventure I could replace my currently income while only working about 10 hours a week.
While it sounds easy when I say 10 hours a week to make $1000/month. I will have to actually put in that time. My biggest fear as I transition to self employment is that I will free up time to do the work but then get distracted by all the distractions of life. My sponsor used the term "time block" several times this weekend to talk about how she manages a busy career as a director working more than 10 hour a week (but making much more than $1000/month) while also raising 4 kids and running a home. Something I am going to need to figure out pretty quickly.
So far what I have figured out is that one of the keys to success is going to be simply asking. Everyone! To that end I found myself telling someone recently that I do freelance writing and the next thing I knew I was having coffee with a new business owner looking for some sales materials. I will tell you all about how that turns out next week!
I do have very enthusiastic and supportive friends but I still had to ask several of them before I found a couple to host. You will hear "no" 10 times for every "yes". I have heard that quoted many times and no mater how excited your friends are it is still true.
Also, life happens, so my Saturday morning hostess ended up having a medical problem that week and finally called Friday morning to let me know she was not going to be able to host my show. We will reschedule but that just left me with 2 training shows. I am a fast learner so I knew it would be fine.
For my show I invited over 80 people, more than 50 RSVP'd "no". I will share that even though I fully expected that kind of response to a Friday night invite sent barely a week ahead it was still a little scary to get that many no emails responses to my evite. I did get 6 "yes" and 7 "maybe" responses. In the end 10 wonderful friends were able to make it and we had a great time. I mainly just acted like the hostess chatting with friends, telling them they looked great and trying to pass out a few drinks. In the rush of the evening I didn't end up putting out any food, just a couple bowls of m&m's.
I didn't sell the company average of $1000 but was just short of $600 which I felt pretty good about. Since I was the hostess I will be able to order a little over $100 in free jewelry to add to my samples and I earned $146 in commission. If I sell a total of $2300 for the month my commission goes up and I will get $175 for that night. 2 of my friends are excited to get some free jewelry by hosting a trunk show for me.
My second show was hosted by my cousin. She was a wonderful and enthusiastic hostess but also had more "no" responses than yes and ended up with a more cozy 3 guests. We still had a great time and they had fun trying stuff on, it was easier to give individual attention to the guests and help them choose something they love. Jessy has a couple outside orders coming as well so I don't know yet what the total of the show will be but even with only 3 guests I sold nearly $500 giving me another approx $125 with a $150 potential when I make the higher commission sales goal. And one of her friends is also going to host a show for me.
So at a minimum I made about $271 this weekend. Each show was 2 hours long with a little time before and after for set up so call it 6 hours of work or $45/hour. If I did this every week I would easily reach my Stella & Dot goal of $1000/month. If I sponsor a couple stylists to join me in this adventure I could replace my currently income while only working about 10 hours a week.
While it sounds easy when I say 10 hours a week to make $1000/month. I will have to actually put in that time. My biggest fear as I transition to self employment is that I will free up time to do the work but then get distracted by all the distractions of life. My sponsor used the term "time block" several times this weekend to talk about how she manages a busy career as a director working more than 10 hour a week (but making much more than $1000/month) while also raising 4 kids and running a home. Something I am going to need to figure out pretty quickly.
So far what I have figured out is that one of the keys to success is going to be simply asking. Everyone! To that end I found myself telling someone recently that I do freelance writing and the next thing I knew I was having coffee with a new business owner looking for some sales materials. I will tell you all about how that turns out next week!
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Step One: Home Party Business
Many years ago when my son was little I was a Mary Kay consultant. The first year I did OK and made a little money, the following 2 years I believe I sold enough to cover the cost of my own products. By the 4th year even maintaining a small inventory and placing an order every 6 months got to be too much work for my busy life and I finally gave up. While I may not have had much success in Mary Kay, the closet I got to a pink Cadillac was riding in one, I have always been SO glad I did it. The training was fantastic. I learned a lot about business, sales, organization. I met interesting people and had a ton of fun.
So as I am thinking about how to make $5000 a month a home based business seemed like a good place to start. There are many advantages: I don't have to come up with an entire business plan, the start up cost is low, the marketing is done for you, the product is developed for you. It is a ready made business just waiting for you to step in and start making money.
Having done Mary Kay in the past and now knowing my personality a little better I knew I didn't want to go back to that. I didn't want to carry inventory and I know that I am better with people one on one than doing a big group presentation. I also knew I wanted to sell something fun. And I wanted to join a company that was a little newer. Something that not everyone was familiar with.
While internet marketing has been very popular the last few years, direct sales companies seem to be making a comeback. People miss the personal touch. Which means there are a lot of new home party businesses popping up these days. Avon, Mary Kay and Tupperware are not alone out there anymore. A brief search found dozens if not hundreds of options out there selling anything and everything. Whatever you love, there is a home party business out there for you.
One thing I am noticing is that the recruiting pitch of making lots of money while staying home with your family is gone. I didn't get a big assurance that it was "easy". They don't seem to be trying to convince everyone to sell their product recruit a bunch of people and find BIG success. The thing about a home party business is that the potential is there for me to make far more than $5000/month but very few women actually achieve that level of success. 60% of the women who sell Stella & Dot have another job. Most are just trying to bring in an extra few hundred dollars a month to do something fun like save for a vacation or be able to treat yourself to those new shoes. And that is exactly how they are presenting it. My sponsor told me if I wanted to make $2000/month she was happy to help me but I would have to work hard, build a team and do several trunk shows a week. I appreciated her honesty.
Since I know I want to pursue other business opportunities besides Stella & Dot, my goal is not to make the full $5000/month. But I think it is going to be the fastest way to start making money. I would like to make $2000 in the first month and at least $1000/month going forward.
I begin next weekend with a Business Launch Trunk Show at my home and 2 other trunk shows hosted by friends. In the mean time I am watching lots of training videos online, talking with my sponsor, looking forward to getting my samples in the mail and telling everyone I know about my launch party.
Come back next week to find out how it goes.
So as I am thinking about how to make $5000 a month a home based business seemed like a good place to start. There are many advantages: I don't have to come up with an entire business plan, the start up cost is low, the marketing is done for you, the product is developed for you. It is a ready made business just waiting for you to step in and start making money.
Having done Mary Kay in the past and now knowing my personality a little better I knew I didn't want to go back to that. I didn't want to carry inventory and I know that I am better with people one on one than doing a big group presentation. I also knew I wanted to sell something fun. And I wanted to join a company that was a little newer. Something that not everyone was familiar with.
While internet marketing has been very popular the last few years, direct sales companies seem to be making a comeback. People miss the personal touch. Which means there are a lot of new home party businesses popping up these days. Avon, Mary Kay and Tupperware are not alone out there anymore. A brief search found dozens if not hundreds of options out there selling anything and everything. Whatever you love, there is a home party business out there for you.
I spoke with a couple people about their businesses and decided on Stella & Dot, a jewelry business, because it met my criteria of low start up cost, one on one sales model and, frankly, it just sounded like the most fun. It only requires $199 start up fee but I did invest a couple hundred more in my sample jewelry beyond what you get with the start up package. The party or "trunk show" is more of a girls night out with women trying on my samples while sipping a glass of wine with friends. There is no formal presentation. This company also has an online aspect so I have my own web site which I am free to promote through my facebook page, blog or any other social media sites I am part of.
I actually became familiar with Stella & Dot through my sister who has been buying the jewelry for a couple years through a friend of hers. They were featured on a news segment CNN did about Stella & Dot. (My sister is the one showing off her charm necklace.)
One thing I am noticing is that the recruiting pitch of making lots of money while staying home with your family is gone. I didn't get a big assurance that it was "easy". They don't seem to be trying to convince everyone to sell their product recruit a bunch of people and find BIG success. The thing about a home party business is that the potential is there for me to make far more than $5000/month but very few women actually achieve that level of success. 60% of the women who sell Stella & Dot have another job. Most are just trying to bring in an extra few hundred dollars a month to do something fun like save for a vacation or be able to treat yourself to those new shoes. And that is exactly how they are presenting it. My sponsor told me if I wanted to make $2000/month she was happy to help me but I would have to work hard, build a team and do several trunk shows a week. I appreciated her honesty.
Since I know I want to pursue other business opportunities besides Stella & Dot, my goal is not to make the full $5000/month. But I think it is going to be the fastest way to start making money. I would like to make $2000 in the first month and at least $1000/month going forward.
I begin next weekend with a Business Launch Trunk Show at my home and 2 other trunk shows hosted by friends. In the mean time I am watching lots of training videos online, talking with my sponsor, looking forward to getting my samples in the mail and telling everyone I know about my launch party.
Come back next week to find out how it goes.
Saturday, March 3, 2012
How hard can it be to make $5000 a month?
For the 2 readers of this blog: I have come to realize I like writing about my transition from home to work on my personal blog more than trying to extract those specific thoughts for a separate blog. I was thinking about deleting this blog but still like the url for what I am instead going to blog about, my journey to replacing our income with self employment income.
I keep asking myself the same question as I think about trying to start a business, "How hard can it be to make $5000/month?" I mean right now it seems hard. John and I are both working and we fall short of that most months. But conceptually it just feels like a doable number.
I thought maybe other people were asking themselves the same question and so decided I would blog about my process. I just watched a yahoo video that claims by the end of the decade 40% of us will be self employed. Hurray for us, hurray for taking back contrl of our lives while still supporting and caring for our families, hurray for believing in ourselves and our skills enough to go on our own.
I realize that while in my head making $5000/month in self-emloyment income doesn't sound to daunting the reality is that it will take a lot of time, work and dedication to create a business that consistantly cash flows and meets my goal.
I have decided the key is multiple streams of income. Not one big business on which my monthly sucess or failure teters but several smaller enterprises that together help me reach my goal.
The two main things I need to keep in mind as I look at business opportunities is number one, my family is my priority so I need flexibility to work around their schedules and, number two, I have to pull any start up capital I need out of our monthly family budget.
So right now here are the areas I am thinking about:
Each month I will share the process I am going through and the things I am learning along the way and at the end of the month let you know how it is going on my way to the goal.
One last thing, a good goal is specific and measurable so more specifically my goal is to replace my current full time income of $2000/month in 6 months and replace our entire household income of $5000/month in one year using the above business ideas.
Follow me as I walk this journey. And if you have a goal too let me know what it is in the comments below.
I keep asking myself the same question as I think about trying to start a business, "How hard can it be to make $5000/month?" I mean right now it seems hard. John and I are both working and we fall short of that most months. But conceptually it just feels like a doable number.
I thought maybe other people were asking themselves the same question and so decided I would blog about my process. I just watched a yahoo video that claims by the end of the decade 40% of us will be self employed. Hurray for us, hurray for taking back contrl of our lives while still supporting and caring for our families, hurray for believing in ourselves and our skills enough to go on our own.
I realize that while in my head making $5000/month in self-emloyment income doesn't sound to daunting the reality is that it will take a lot of time, work and dedication to create a business that consistantly cash flows and meets my goal.
I have decided the key is multiple streams of income. Not one big business on which my monthly sucess or failure teters but several smaller enterprises that together help me reach my goal.
The two main things I need to keep in mind as I look at business opportunities is number one, my family is my priority so I need flexibility to work around their schedules and, number two, I have to pull any start up capital I need out of our monthly family budget.
So right now here are the areas I am thinking about:
- Home based direct sales business. Stella & Dot, Mary Kay, Tupperware, Pampered Chef, Thirty-One, etc.
- Freelance work. Both finding my own and checking out sites like "Elance"
- Blogging. I love writing both my personal blog and am looking forward to monitizing this one as well. So if you are reading this thanks for helping me reach my goal.
- Web site. A basic information site with ads
- Web store. Selling stuff online either through sites like "Etsy" or "Ebay" or becoming a distributor for products that I buy and re-sell.
- Product development, I have some product ideas I would love to try to create and market.
- Writing a book. I am just telling you everything in my head.
Each month I will share the process I am going through and the things I am learning along the way and at the end of the month let you know how it is going on my way to the goal.
One last thing, a good goal is specific and measurable so more specifically my goal is to replace my current full time income of $2000/month in 6 months and replace our entire household income of $5000/month in one year using the above business ideas.
Follow me as I walk this journey. And if you have a goal too let me know what it is in the comments below.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
What do you mean the transition never ends?
The transition never ends! You would think after working full time for 6 months now I would have made it through the transition. This would be our normal life and people would now view me as a working mother. Next.
But that is not how it is. Every week at church people still come up to me and ask me how it is going with work, not in that casual, "how's work" way you might start a conversation but in that deep and serious, "how is it going with work?" And while part of me wants people to stop asking and let me just move on with my life the other part of me is glad they still ask because frankly we are not in a groove and I am still transitioning. And if everyone acted like I should be getting over it and moving on with my life it would make it that much harder to continue this transition. So, thanks for asking.
This past week was Thanksgiving. The week before I was cruising along feeling pretty good about how everything was coming together and thinking we had made it through to the land of "normal". I am keeping my life very simple this year so no entertaining just showing up and enjoying the holiday with family. Yet the day before and morning of Thanksgiving I was having a Break Down. I was crabby and wanting to yell at and attack everyone in the family for no real reason. Wednesday night was my son Jake and Thursday morning my husband John. Poor guys, they never saw it coming.
I am realizing that every new thing, new event that comes across my path requires a new way of experiencing life. While I have pretty much got the day to day of work and family down, if anything changes it is a problem. Isabelle having 2 days off last month caused a break down. Now a big family holiday causes a break down. I pretty much have decided the entire month of December is going to be a huge adjustment. BATTEN DOWN THE HATCHES FAMILY, WE ARE GOING IN! Shopping, parties, gift wrapping, baking, oh my!
I suppose change always comes with a need to adjust and shift gears. Life is full of transitions, the question is how are you going to handle them? How am I going to handle this transition from a life where I was home taking care of every detail to a life where I have to let go of details, delegate details or squeeze them in during the evenings and weekends?
The truth is that even when I was at home we were regularly transitioning. The transition to parenting and being home full time, to having a child who crawls and then walks, to homeschooling, private schooling, charter schooling, public schooling, job changes, moving, etc. It was never a dull moment. And once this year is over I can already anticipate new transitions. Jake leaves for college next year. That will require a whole new way of relating to our life. Another year of transition. The following year John will finish community college, and a surgical tech degree, and move to the next level of his eduction while beginning the first part of a new career, another year of transition. And who knows what other unexpected changes will occur during that time.
I am wondering as I continue this transition if I should change my focus from how to deal with each specific situation to how to handle the constant changes that are just part of life.
I really believe I learned a lot of valuable life skills while I was at home. Not just things like how to set a beautiful table or keep gum from sticking to the bottom of a trash can but also how to deal with constant change. When I was at home and came across transitions in life I had much more time to deal with them, to process what was happening and create a plan for incorporating the new information into my life. And there were plenty of changes to be had on a daily basis. I don't know about your children but when mine were little they were like Jekyll and Hyde. I never knew from day to day or moment to moment what I was going to be dealing with and had to be prepared for anything! Top that off with job changes, family crisis, holidays, financial stress and a million other big and little things and I look back realizing I barely had a stable moment the entire 17 years I was at home!
So, what are the skills and lessons I learned from my years as a homemaker that I can use as I transition into learning to transition while working full time? Here are a few things I have come up with:
Be Prepared
While some changes happen without warning most things can be anticipated. I have heard more than one time-management guru remind me that THIS YEAR Christmas will be on December 25th. Surprise! Or not. My family needs to eat dinner every night? When did this happen? How did these clothes get dirty? I just washed them last week!
Right now I know that Christmas is a month away, my daughter will turn 7 in March, my son will graduate from high school in June and sometime between now and then my father-in-law will die of cancer. I can let each of these events cause turmoil and trauma in our lives, those experiences can be filled with stress, discontentment and disappointment OR I can anticipate them, decide what we are and are not going to do, let go of what I can't control and be proactive about what I can. Just like I did when I was at home full time.
Let it Go
It might just be me but I can be a little bit of a control freak. I mean I try to keep it under wraps when I am out in public but in the privacy of my own home I sometimes even scare myself. And truth be told that was a big part of my break down on Thanksgiving day. I wanted a black Friday deal from Best Buy and they were selling them online on Thanksgiving day. So I reasoned I would stay up til midnight on Wednesday night rather than standing in line on Thursday night, order the TV I wanted for my son and be done with it. But when midnight rolled around the deal didn't pop up, and I was exhausted and the rest of the family was already asleep and by 10 minutes after midnight I gave up and went to bed. Of course, as you can imagine, by 8am the next morning the deal was up and they were sold out. I was furious with myself and took it out on my husband. Poor guy. I could not let it go, could not forgive myself for being so tired after working all day, could not move on. How did this help? It didn't.
So I am working on this one.
I didn't say I was going to have answers here, just making some observations.
Turn to God
Some days this is so easy. I cruise along aware of God's presence throughout my day, rest in his peace no matter what comes my way, pray for those I come in contact that annoy me and constantly believe God has placed me in this stage of life. I am in continual worship as I live my life for Him.
Did I say days plural? Did I say day? As in 24 hours in a row? Let's re-start that last paragraph with "Some moments". Yes that is better.
I love how Paul writes in Romans, "We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." It is just so nice to know I am not alone in this problem. If Paul can admit he does things he knows he shouldn't do then I guess I can admit it too.
But that doesn't mean giving myself over to my sinful nature. So I try to spend time in prayer and the word every morning even if it is only for a few moments, I try to be aware of God's presence as I sit at my desk during the day and come home to my family in the evenings. And I try to spend more time praying for others than myself. The days I am most successful in doing these three things are the days when no matter what comes my way I just sail right through. So when I do have a hard day I know exactly where to turn to get out of my funk, end my break down and get back on the path God has set before me full of joy and peace.
How do you get through transitions now that you are working? Leave me a comment.
But that is not how it is. Every week at church people still come up to me and ask me how it is going with work, not in that casual, "how's work" way you might start a conversation but in that deep and serious, "how is it going with work?" And while part of me wants people to stop asking and let me just move on with my life the other part of me is glad they still ask because frankly we are not in a groove and I am still transitioning. And if everyone acted like I should be getting over it and moving on with my life it would make it that much harder to continue this transition. So, thanks for asking.
This past week was Thanksgiving. The week before I was cruising along feeling pretty good about how everything was coming together and thinking we had made it through to the land of "normal". I am keeping my life very simple this year so no entertaining just showing up and enjoying the holiday with family. Yet the day before and morning of Thanksgiving I was having a Break Down. I was crabby and wanting to yell at and attack everyone in the family for no real reason. Wednesday night was my son Jake and Thursday morning my husband John. Poor guys, they never saw it coming.
I am realizing that every new thing, new event that comes across my path requires a new way of experiencing life. While I have pretty much got the day to day of work and family down, if anything changes it is a problem. Isabelle having 2 days off last month caused a break down. Now a big family holiday causes a break down. I pretty much have decided the entire month of December is going to be a huge adjustment. BATTEN DOWN THE HATCHES FAMILY, WE ARE GOING IN! Shopping, parties, gift wrapping, baking, oh my!
I suppose change always comes with a need to adjust and shift gears. Life is full of transitions, the question is how are you going to handle them? How am I going to handle this transition from a life where I was home taking care of every detail to a life where I have to let go of details, delegate details or squeeze them in during the evenings and weekends?
The truth is that even when I was at home we were regularly transitioning. The transition to parenting and being home full time, to having a child who crawls and then walks, to homeschooling, private schooling, charter schooling, public schooling, job changes, moving, etc. It was never a dull moment. And once this year is over I can already anticipate new transitions. Jake leaves for college next year. That will require a whole new way of relating to our life. Another year of transition. The following year John will finish community college, and a surgical tech degree, and move to the next level of his eduction while beginning the first part of a new career, another year of transition. And who knows what other unexpected changes will occur during that time.
I am wondering as I continue this transition if I should change my focus from how to deal with each specific situation to how to handle the constant changes that are just part of life.
I really believe I learned a lot of valuable life skills while I was at home. Not just things like how to set a beautiful table or keep gum from sticking to the bottom of a trash can but also how to deal with constant change. When I was at home and came across transitions in life I had much more time to deal with them, to process what was happening and create a plan for incorporating the new information into my life. And there were plenty of changes to be had on a daily basis. I don't know about your children but when mine were little they were like Jekyll and Hyde. I never knew from day to day or moment to moment what I was going to be dealing with and had to be prepared for anything! Top that off with job changes, family crisis, holidays, financial stress and a million other big and little things and I look back realizing I barely had a stable moment the entire 17 years I was at home!
So, what are the skills and lessons I learned from my years as a homemaker that I can use as I transition into learning to transition while working full time? Here are a few things I have come up with:
Be Prepared
While some changes happen without warning most things can be anticipated. I have heard more than one time-management guru remind me that THIS YEAR Christmas will be on December 25th. Surprise! Or not. My family needs to eat dinner every night? When did this happen? How did these clothes get dirty? I just washed them last week!
Right now I know that Christmas is a month away, my daughter will turn 7 in March, my son will graduate from high school in June and sometime between now and then my father-in-law will die of cancer. I can let each of these events cause turmoil and trauma in our lives, those experiences can be filled with stress, discontentment and disappointment OR I can anticipate them, decide what we are and are not going to do, let go of what I can't control and be proactive about what I can. Just like I did when I was at home full time.
Let it Go
It might just be me but I can be a little bit of a control freak. I mean I try to keep it under wraps when I am out in public but in the privacy of my own home I sometimes even scare myself. And truth be told that was a big part of my break down on Thanksgiving day. I wanted a black Friday deal from Best Buy and they were selling them online on Thanksgiving day. So I reasoned I would stay up til midnight on Wednesday night rather than standing in line on Thursday night, order the TV I wanted for my son and be done with it. But when midnight rolled around the deal didn't pop up, and I was exhausted and the rest of the family was already asleep and by 10 minutes after midnight I gave up and went to bed. Of course, as you can imagine, by 8am the next morning the deal was up and they were sold out. I was furious with myself and took it out on my husband. Poor guy. I could not let it go, could not forgive myself for being so tired after working all day, could not move on. How did this help? It didn't.
So I am working on this one.
I didn't say I was going to have answers here, just making some observations.
Turn to God
Some days this is so easy. I cruise along aware of God's presence throughout my day, rest in his peace no matter what comes my way, pray for those I come in contact that annoy me and constantly believe God has placed me in this stage of life. I am in continual worship as I live my life for Him.
Did I say days plural? Did I say day? As in 24 hours in a row? Let's re-start that last paragraph with "Some moments". Yes that is better.
I love how Paul writes in Romans, "We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." It is just so nice to know I am not alone in this problem. If Paul can admit he does things he knows he shouldn't do then I guess I can admit it too.
But that doesn't mean giving myself over to my sinful nature. So I try to spend time in prayer and the word every morning even if it is only for a few moments, I try to be aware of God's presence as I sit at my desk during the day and come home to my family in the evenings. And I try to spend more time praying for others than myself. The days I am most successful in doing these three things are the days when no matter what comes my way I just sail right through. So when I do have a hard day I know exactly where to turn to get out of my funk, end my break down and get back on the path God has set before me full of joy and peace.
How do you get through transitions now that you are working? Leave me a comment.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
How Did This Happen?
A year ago I was a happy homemaker loving every minute of my life and never giving a thought to returning to full time work. My daughter had just started kindergarten and it was becoming clear the economy was not going to turn around soon and thus my husband's business was not going to turn around soon. So I told God if he wanted me to go back to work I would but he would need to drop the job in my lap. So, of course, He did. I worked a perfect 2 day a week job making just enough money to be helpful but not enough to really solve our problems. By spring it was clear we needed to make some changes in my husband's career going forward. After much discussion we decided on the most insane of our options, my remodeler husband would go back to school full time to become a Physician's Assistant. Since about 6 of his technical college credits transferred, he started as a college freshman this fall 2011 and will not finish until at least 2017. In the mean time one of us should probably work. While he is continuing his work on a part time basis, I found myself agreeing to find a full time job. Again, God dropped it in my lap. From the day we announced the plan to my family and my brother mentioned an opening at his company till I was sitting at a desk full time was about 3 weeks.
I spent the first couple months sitting at my new desk wondering how I got there. What just happened to me? I had been at home for 17 years. When people would compliment me on doing a good job I would just look at them and think, "What are you talking about? I AM A STAY AT HOME MOM!"
Besides having a major identity crisis, I was also overwhelmed by all the new information coming at me, the mess of my home, the idea of maintaining any aspect of my life while working and my daughter who cried almost every day for me to stay home with her. When mom goes back to work she does not go alone.
Now, after 6 months of working, life is slowly beginning to normalize around here. I haven't cried in a few weeks, my daughter lets me leave in the mornings with a simple hug and kiss and I am accepting the fact I won't be able to keep my house as clean as I once did for at least another 6 years. Which is all to say that I am finally at a point where I am surviving enough to begin the transition from homemaker to working mom.
When I was at home I read many books on the topic of homemaking. Lots of books on the transition from work to home, but where is the book on the transition back to work? On the one hand I know how to be a homemaker, how to do the laundry, cook great meals for my family, organize the toys and plan a family game night. What I do not know is how to do it while working full time. I may be working now but my family is still my number one priority. I am not trying to figure out how to "do it all". I want to do well at my job but I am not in pursuit of a career. I am back working because I have to not because I want to. My job is a means to an end not something I want defining me.
So this blog is going to explore the answer to the questions that arise as I try to figure out who I am as a working mom and how to put it all together.
I spent the first couple months sitting at my new desk wondering how I got there. What just happened to me? I had been at home for 17 years. When people would compliment me on doing a good job I would just look at them and think, "What are you talking about? I AM A STAY AT HOME MOM!"
Besides having a major identity crisis, I was also overwhelmed by all the new information coming at me, the mess of my home, the idea of maintaining any aspect of my life while working and my daughter who cried almost every day for me to stay home with her. When mom goes back to work she does not go alone.
Now, after 6 months of working, life is slowly beginning to normalize around here. I haven't cried in a few weeks, my daughter lets me leave in the mornings with a simple hug and kiss and I am accepting the fact I won't be able to keep my house as clean as I once did for at least another 6 years. Which is all to say that I am finally at a point where I am surviving enough to begin the transition from homemaker to working mom.
When I was at home I read many books on the topic of homemaking. Lots of books on the transition from work to home, but where is the book on the transition back to work? On the one hand I know how to be a homemaker, how to do the laundry, cook great meals for my family, organize the toys and plan a family game night. What I do not know is how to do it while working full time. I may be working now but my family is still my number one priority. I am not trying to figure out how to "do it all". I want to do well at my job but I am not in pursuit of a career. I am back working because I have to not because I want to. My job is a means to an end not something I want defining me.
So this blog is going to explore the answer to the questions that arise as I try to figure out who I am as a working mom and how to put it all together.
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